Comic Page Reflections

I love comic strips. Always have. As a teenager I collected each Sunday's comic page from my local newspaper. I still have them all, stored in chronological order. This includes the final strips from Bloom County and Calvin and Hobbes. No doubt they'll make me rich one day.

The comic strip heyday, however, has come and gone. Not only has each strip gotten smaller and papers have crammed them all onto a mere two pages, they so rarely now live up to their colloquial nickname--"the funnies." So, as a semi-expert in these matters, I propose to all newspaper publishers that they keep only the following strips and give them the whole of their two-page allotment. For those reading this who have no pull on the content of your local paper--other than the hastily written letter to the editor complaining of their mistaken inclusion of you in their obituary section--you can use this list to keep from wasting time on other strips, which are hit-or-miss at best and are often more miss than hit. (Notice the list doesn't include comments on the excluded strips. "If you can't say something nice . . .")

1. Peanuts -- still the best, even though they are all re-runs. You can't put one over on Linus, I don't care who you are; and you'll never find a better shortstop than Snoopy.

2. Dilbert -- starting to repeat itself, but so do pointy-haired bosses, so the repetition is appropriate and still funny. Plus my dad is an engineer and actually has a pocket protector with his name on it, so it hits home. (In his defense, he doesn't wear it anymore.)

3. Garfield -- when Garfield scoops up that lasagna with his paw and eats it all in one bite . . . comic genius every time.

4. FoxTrot -- I secretly want to have a Wookie tied to me by a life-debt (Star Wars reference. Look it up). I'm sure the nerd kid does as well, so I read this one for the common bond.

5. Zits -- Great drawing. Great physical manifestations of what everyone is thinking. For instance, today the dad wanted to tell the teenager something personal, so the teenager ducktaped a roll of fiberglass insulation around his head first, then listened to his dad. Hilarious visual metaphor. Very funny. Unfortunately this overly descriptive analysis is not funny at all. Moving on.

6. Baby Blues -- I don't have kids, so I read this to laugh at how the other half lives. If it's really like that . . . hoo boy.

7. Pickles -- No idea where the name comes from, but the old guy in this strip is the smartest man alive.

8. Blondie -- How old is this strip? How many writers have had charge of it? Yet I still get a kick out of Dagwood's big dang sandwiches. Call me old fashioned.

That's it. If I didn't list your favorite strip, you have two options from which to choose: 1) I disagree with you and think it not worth your time to read the strip, or 2) My local paper doesn't carry your favorite, so I have no opinion about it; but, if I ever read it, I'm sure I would quickly put it at Number 1 on the list. Choose the second option. You'll have a better day.